I remember when I was little, around 5 or 6, I loved being in my grandma’s bedroom alone. Mum’s wooden dresser with 3 panels of mirror was in there, and I would be looking at myself and staring at myself, examining my hair, eyes, nose, mouth, skin, ears, acquainting myself with the idea of “so this is how I look”. There was curiosity, wonder and simply acknowledgement of my own physical self.
It was fascinating to observe myself, staring into my own eyes, and seeing the brown and beyond that into my own observation of myself in the image. Occasionally, I would tell myself “You are beautiful. You are going to grow up and become a wonderful gal.”
I can’t remember when that stopped, but I know it was a cumulative series of experiences where comparison kicked in and I was told that I was not even close to being pretty, sweet or cute and adorable, let alone beautiful. That mono lids meant small ugly eyes. That amongst my sisters, I was a little too sassy and not at all loveable. “Look, that is pretty. She is beautiful. You…” Laughter exploded in my face…
Instead of the wonderful few minutes of feeling like the world is my playground when looking in the mirror, I began to see hurt, disappointment and contempt, theirs and mine compounded.
This love hate relationship with the mirror continued throughout my life until 8 years ago when I began to practise the mirror work exercises taught by Louise Hay.
I met my pain, hurt, trauma and unmet needs, and cried tremendously throughout the books and subsequent online programme. I had to forgive, forgive, and forgive.
I had to take responsibility for myself and say goodbye to my victim within. I had to turn up my inner adult to soothe my hurt inner child.
With that, I overcame my previous resistance to saying “I like myself” and graduated into a happy 6 year old again who can unabashedly tell my mirror reflection “I Love You. I Love You Very Very Much. You are beautiful. There is no one in the world that is as lovely as you”. Huge smile from within.
Only kindness, only gentleness, only ease and joy reflected back.
Amazing, I could even draw heart shapes again on my notes to self and friends. Pink came back into my life. It may sound cliche, but it was true. I had been averse to anything cute and adorable ever since I started to believe that I am anything but that.
This morning I woke up to an email from HayHouse, that they are sharing “Loving Yourself” – 21 Days to Improved Self Esteem with mirror work, an online programme for free during this time. I signed in again to redo this. Ready to deepen my Love once again.
How about you? Are you ready to meet and love your most beautiful self? It is simple. But not easy.
I have guided people before on mirror work. I have held space as they broke down like I broke down years before. I have seen them laugh nervously at themselves. I have seen the love come up but stop at the words, and watch the unspoken words turn into tears. It it messy before it becomes beautiful.
It may take some days, weeks, months, or years…
Yet I encourage you to reclaim your beautiful self.
If you need a little nudge, massive encouragement and another perspective, you know where to turn to. Send me a message and I’ll remind you of how beautiful, loveable and worthy you are.
Love from my heart to yours.
Here’s a song and beautiful video for you:
